vanker!

If there is one thing I have learned, it is to never take for granted how you brought the car home. Thank You Racing Gods; checkered flag equals victory, no matter what position you finished. Yes, yes, spoken like a true loser... for that is what I am. You cannot overcome me, for I have already decided the outcome long ago.

Death waits regardless of race distance. Did I drive well or was I just lucky? What machine I have underneath me, or the circumstances that conspire to create this confluence is of no consequence.

What I know is:

When I needed me the most, I was absent. Completely lost, trying to remember some grand fantasy, some meticulously manufactured false persistent belief... I should hate myself for being so inadequate, so useless, so futile. I waited, but happenstance refused to be my muse. No one can deny this.

They will figure out all these turns of phrases to try and remedy my disease. But fine fabrications, and deliberate delusions, and wise words, will only exacerbate my awareness. I have dreamed everything that I can dream. The world I know has no value, so let alone the world beyond my knowledge