aut viam inveniam aut faciam

Racing season's over and soon it will be the end of the world. If that doesn't happen, then I'm gonna have to find a job or something. So it just gets worse really, whatever transpires. You either die or you get old. Bittersweet dreams melting in the glare...

I ain't complaining. I'm more like, scared of the big change that's about to come. I'm quite comfortable where I am right now; just hanging out, getting intoxicated, and playing video games. It is a simple life that doesn't require much motivation and discernment.

Before long I must build another delusion and recondition my mind again. I'm considering a polytheistic base because this might help me deal with the diverse belief systems of the others. It will be difficult to uninstall the elegant paranoia that sustains me.

Victory in Montreal

The practice times were pretty close, so I took out some fuel in qualifying to try and get pole position. I missed it by .039 seconds, but with the front row start I was able to take the lead by the second corner and from there control the pace of the race.

It became obvious that I was running less downforce than everybody else. The others would catch me up in the corners, but I would pull away as soon as we hit the back straight. This would be the pattern of the first half of the race, where I slowly built a 2 second gap to the chasing pack.

With less fuel onboard I was the first to make a pitstop. On schedule and with no problems, I rejoined the race in 4th while everyone else ahead still had to make their stop. After their pitstops I was back in the lead, but now more than 4 seconds ahead.


 I was able to maintain the gap using my top speed advantage and was never threatened the rest of the way. A good race for me, a consistent drive, a convincing win, a very encouraging result. Thanks to everyone at Hammerdown Racing League and thank you Racing Gods.

Pics and Vid by Scuba Steve

Death Drive

2012 SRA Le Mans 2.4 Hours Preview

A week to go until the big event, probably my last Le Mans race. Only 2.4 hour sprint, nothing like those blistering OATAS endurance races from years ago, but at least it will be on time slip and the middle of the race will be in the dark. More than 35 cars / drivers expected from at least 4 different leagues, it should be quite a competition.

Still, I struggle to get motivated. I thought the ultimacy of this race (and this whole 2012 racing season as well) would encourage me to do my best. Instead the opposite has occurred, and it seems I'm smoking and drinking and partying harder than ever before, trying to escape from the idea of getting a job in the outside world that festers in my mind.

Should have been running in the pro leagues by now, winning races and championships, getting press and giving interviews, signing endorsement deals and doing appearances. The online simulation racing scene has not progressed as I fancied it would, and if I ever did have any skills, they have all perished by now. The dream is over.

I'm running a Porsche 996 in GT2 and my fastest lap so far is about 4:20. The fast guys in the division are running 4:08s in the Ferrari F430, so I'm way off. Twelve seconds are a lot to find, but it is a very long lap and I have some idea where I am losing time. I haven't really fooled around with the setup either. Right now the bigger problem is getting sober.

One more run at Le Mans before I turn into a wage slave and start getting old. One more fight for the defining victory that has eluded me all my life. One more push for my fantasy, not the fantasy that other people push on me. Nobody else cares for my mission, and soon all of this will be nothing but a fading memory. This now here is the Death Drive.

the ribs were made out of gleaming bronze

Route 1 - Pit's Truck Stop

Two races into the season, two ninth places, good for 4 points... I guess I should be encouraged by these results. But I am nowhere near the pace of the leaders, and I can't seem to solve my problem of excessive front tire wear. I'd have to learn about telemetry and car setup and completely change my driving style. Not exactly how I fantasized racing would be.

No, I was supposed to figure it out naturally, instinctively. I wanted to be some mysterious lone wolf dark horse chimera of a racer, with a distinctive approach that cannot be explained or replicated. Instead, I've become a career back-marker, a grid filler and also ran, a loser who's just happy to be able to participate.

So here I am, whining about how I am a no talent hack. I should be complaining about my lack of discipline and commitment, and how I've been unable to quit smoking and drinking. I remember when racing was done by daredevil gentlemen in their jaunting jalopies. Perhaps that is the era where I belong. Now it's all about them nerd-jocks fine tuning their hi-technology warplanes.

Maybe I should be looking for that old man who'll guide me through some crazy training montage. After which I'll level up and start winning and become champion and all that. I wonder if it has really happened that way to anyone. Well I ain't no protagonist and I don't think I want to be.

vanker!

If there is one thing I have learned, it is to never take for granted how you brought the car home. Thank You Racing Gods; checkered flag equals victory, no matter what position you finished. Yes, yes, spoken like a true loser... for that is what I am. You cannot overcome me, for I have already decided the outcome long ago.

Death waits regardless of race distance. Did I drive well or was I just lucky? What machine I have underneath me, or the circumstances that conspire to create this confluence is of no consequence.

What I know is:

When I needed me the most, I was absent. Completely lost, trying to remember some grand fantasy, some meticulously manufactured false persistent belief... I should hate myself for being so inadequate, so useless, so futile. I waited, but happenstance refused to be my muse. No one can deny this.

They will figure out all these turns of phrases to try and remedy my disease. But fine fabrications, and deliberate delusions, and wise words, will only exacerbate my awareness. I have dreamed everything that I can dream. The world I know has no value, so let alone the world beyond my knowledge

2012 FiHS F1 World Championship Preview

Pre-season testing is over and the 2012 FiHS Formula One World Championship gets underway next weekend in Melbourne. Each of the 20 events scheduled for this year could have over 20 runners on the grid with the eighteen drivers signed up full-time and several part-time drivers waiting in the wings. The coming season will also feature 100% race distance and DRS / KERS applications. Refinements in the tires, aero, suspension, and engine add to the anticipation and excitement.



2012 Season Drivers - (2011 Driver Value Point in brackets)

FERRARI
RacerScott [369]
David Carney [82]

Defending champ RacerScott has been quick in testing and will try to make it three consecutive Driver Championships. Joining him is the capable David Carney, who won the preseason race in Nurburgring.



MCLAREN
Ricardo Gonzalez [383]
Juice [37]

Ricardo Gonzalez's vaunted pace was on display all winter and he has the highest DVP total from last season despite narrowly missing out on the Driver's Championship. Juice ran only in the last half of last season; don't be fooled by his low DVP.



RED BULL
Steven Matthies [271]
JoshJ81 [229]

The Red Bulls are the dark horses this season. They look to defend their Team Champonship with former champion Steven Matthies and race winner / super mod builder JoshJ81.



TORO ROSSO
J Kim [196]
Jeff Oppenheim [78]

Race winner J Kim and erstwhile racing school instructor Jeff Oppenheim make for a formidable driver pairing for STR. Look for these guys on the sharp end.



LOTUS
Tim202 [138]
Tom101 [38]

Lotus (formerly known as Renault) return with real-life club racers Tim202 and Tom101. They are expected to fight for podium finishes and are looking for their first victory.



MERCEDES
Sean Higgins [79]
Captain Slow [41]

Mercedes also return with their hard chargers, Sean Higgins and Captain Slow. Both drivers improved their pace towards the end of last season and expect to hit the ground running this year.



CATERHAM
Sebastian Scott [36]
Ruben Miranda [27]

Caterham (formerly known as Lotus) have a new driver pair with After Midnight Racing Champion Sebastian Scott and gentleman racer Ruben Miranda who won the preseason race in Turkey.



HRT
Alaster [44]
Yellowflash [-]

Hispania Racing Team will field the veteran Alaster and newcomer Yellowflash.



WILLIAMS
Lion Heart [-]
Ispanda [-]

Williams team is the biggest mystery of 2012 season, composed of returning driver Ispanda and former champion Lion Heart. They have not been seen in testing.



2012 Season Schedule

1 - Australian GP - Mar 16 - 58 laps
2 - Malaysian GP - Mar 23 - 56 laps
3 - Chinese GP - Apr 13 - 56 laps
4 - Bahrain GP 0 Apr 20 - 57 laps
5 - Spanish GP - May 11 - 66 laps
6 - Monaco GP - May 18 - 78 laps
7 - Canadian GP - Jun 8 - 70 laps
8 - European GP - Jun 22 - 57 laps
9 - British GP - Jul 6 - 52 laps
10 - German GP - Jul 20 - 67 laps
11 - Hungarian GP - Jul 27 - 70 laps
12 - Belgian GP - Aug 24 - 44 laps
13 - Italian GP - Sep 07 - 53 laps
14 - Singapore GP - Sep 21 - 61 laps
15 - Japanese GP - Oct 5 - 53  laps
16 - Korean GP - Oct 12 - 55 laps
17 - Indian GP - Oct 26 - 60 laps
18 - Abu Dhabi GP - Nov 02 - 55  laps
19 - United States GP - Nov 09 73 laps
20 - Brazilian GP - Nov 16 71 laps

Danger Point

FiHS Preseason 2012 in a few days and I'm struggling to get motivated. Every time I get into a car and do a few laps it leaves a bad taste in my mouth and a weird feeling in my gut. I suppose this is what happens when you have just the right amount of talent to be a backmarker. I try to console myself with the victory (that Lane let me have) at A1 Ring in the 82's over at Hammerdown Racing League some weeks back. But it is not enough to overcome this strange malaise that has taken me over. 

One more year, one more season, one last try before I give up on this grand fantasy of being a racing driver. If the world doesn't end this December, I'm going to finally step out into the real world and look for some sort of job. So I can be like regular people and help perpetuate plebeian systems of fallacies and farce. 

I remember all the things I've tried to be; poet, actor, designer, musician--- all I've really been is mediocre. I was able to carry on after these previous failures by telling myself that these endeavors are all measured subjectively. But there is no denying the racing stats I've compiled over the years. The proof is in the numbers and I'm no good. Here I am, kicking yet another dead horse.

Still, I am thankful for the opportunities I've had. It's been quite a ride and I've learned many things. I wonder what I'll end up doing, considering that I've got anywhere from 40 to 70 years more imprisoned in this character, this personality, this identity. I'm beyond any possibility of early or untimely death. Down this road, could there be something that will change my mind? 

Winter at Camp Kawabata

Well I heard many
strange voices tonight
all calling for me
to return to a previous state

but I worry about
the upcoming race...
A1 Ring in the 82's
or is it the 2010's?

I wonder if the time is right

Meanwhile the parasite of engine rumbles
the head in the vat crumbles
the metal golem fumbles around

the hysterical hijacker wails non-songs over the PA
causing a flicker in quacksalver hologram

A dream of night people fades the world into grey