there will be mud

I've been running some races with TPG Racing League during the summer break. The next event is a 25 minute sprint at Road Atlanta in the Enduracers 997s. It takes me back to almost three years ago, when I was participating in the USF1 League LMS Championship. Same car, same track (though this is a more detailed version with more trackside objects), so there will be no trouble getting up to my speed.

Wow, has it really been that long? It was 2007 when I first ran some F1 exhibition races with (the now defunct) Sofa King Racing League. Six years later and I'm still a backmarker and grid-filler, nowhere near the pace of the leaders. I should be a series champion by now with all my experience. On public servers against noobs and dabblers it can be easy to win. But against veteran drivers and serious competitors I have little chance.

And yet I wouldn't give up any of it, even though now I have fallen behind in the outside world as well. I'm approaching forty years old and I still have no job, no place in society, no future. I traded away everything I was taught, everything I was expected to be, for the wild frontier that is online simulation racing. Sure, my contemporaries are better off, with their careers and their families and all that. But at least I can say that I was able to realize my own dream.

Enough of this nonsense. It's a few hours before the event and I have a good feeling for this race. Time to do some practice laps and get my car set up.

really bad eggs

The years of plotting my escape has failed. I find myself in my customary last place even in the outside world. More than halfway past 2013 and still no real job. I have been sending my resume to some online ads but I get no reply. It's not looking good this way and I might just be opening myself up to identity theft. Anyway maybe nobody is looking to hire a nearly 40 year old hack with a dubious resume.

When I ask people if they could help me find work, two questions always come up: What can you do? and What do you want? 
And I always answer I don't know and I don't have any skills

Indeed it is not very encouraging to hear this and immediately puts a damper on my job quest. But it's the truth and I really can't think of saying anything else. Sometimes I talk about my online racing, only to end up belittling my experiences as a simulation driver. I must remain positive. There must be some sort of job I can do well.