It's been years since I was supposed to quit online sim racing and go out into the world and live a life that is expected of me. And yet here I still am, feeling the FoF state as I await another race scheduled for a few hours from now. I have not changed at all, still smoking and drinking away, relishing the endless summer vacation, looking for some next level of discipline and skill that will vault me up the grid and enable me to win races and championships. I did get some sort of part-time job cleaning paintings and other artworks. But I am nowhere near what a guy my age should normally be doing.
I feel no remorse at all. I'm living what I dreamt of when I was a kid. Am I doing something wrong? Sure, I thought about getting married and having a family of my own, buying a house and a car and all that. But it was only for a moment, and then my programming failed. I look at my contemporaries and how they have gone ahead in these so-called stages of life. And maybe I do feel a little bit left behind, even if I sleep well, eat well, and enjoy my time. In racing as it is in life, I know I am a backmarker. First, second, third... or last, the chequered flag will wave. It affirms my despair.
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